E

Years of culinary poverty mean that I'm not a credible foodie, but I do enjoy extending my repertoire of dishes - for cooking and eating. I've rarely invested time into desserts, but last night, following a noodley, gingery, sea bass stir fry, I finished it off with something sweet - as garnered from Valentine Warner.

Shane: There.

Emma: Let's see.

Shane: (shows his piece)

Emma: Eton Mess! You made an Eton Mess!

Shane: Mm, but not quite. That would be meringue with cream and a strawberry-based puree. This is raspberry-loaded. And besides, I couldn't quite bring myself to offer up anything good that brings David Cameron to mind.

Emma: So what is it, then?

Shane: (ponders the words Eton and Mess) (whispers) It's a Stoke-on-Trent Fuck-Up.

Emma: It's good.

Shane: Good. I've learned much this evening about whipping. Whipping is great. Isn't air fantastic.

Emma: (is ignoring Shane from this point - is back to watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade with my young sous chef)

I look out of the window and notice our quiet man cat, dancing about in the snow. I wonder what's got into him.