The Boy and I are in WH Smith's, using up an old voucher card (we didn't know how much was on it) on some new kit for his 2010/11 school year. After bagging the various pens, glue-sticks and primary ephemera, the cashier - a pretty, young female - explains that there's just over three pounds left on the voucher card.
Shane: Er... just throw it... no! Are those scratch cards?
Shane: Pound each?
Cashier: Yeah. D'y' want three?
Shane: Yes please (actually a bit excited at the novelty of such suchness).
Cashier: Shall I give you three different kinds? (she has sensed that we don't normally do this sort of thing)
Shane: Yes, please.
We leave the shop with our scratch cards and retreat to a local cafe, wherein we read about what we must reveal in order to win.
The first two cards pass without success - we did not reveal a hatrick of matching amounts, and we did not reveal a logo of a dog. This is how I imagined it would go.
We move onto card three, and the boy suddenly shrieks.
The Boy: WE'VE GOT A PIG!
And so we had. Ten pounds worth of pig logo. We eat our lunches, drink our drinks and return to WH Smith's. We have filled in my name and address on the back of the card and are feeling upbeat as we wait in a short queue to collect our winnings. I see the potential for boy-amusing playfulness.
Shane: What do I say when I get to the front?
The Boy: Just tell her that we've won ten pounds and give her the card.
Shane: (entirely straight) Oh, ok. (pause) Should I say that we've got a pig?
The Boy: (amused, but trying to suppress the smile) Yeah, say that, say 'We've got a pig'.
Shane: Mm. (pause) Y' sure?
The Boy: (failing to suppress The Grin of Social Mischief) Yeah - 'We've got a pig', and give her the card. That way she'll know it's ten pounds.
Shane: (playing it naive) Mm, ok.
We are at the front of the queue. The cashier looks to me.
Shane: (playing it straight, handing her the card) We have a pig.
The cashier is temporarily raised from barcode bleeping boredom - she, too, fails to suppress the grin. From low down to my immediate right, I hear a boyish snort of laughter.
I continue to play it straight, entirely pleased with myself.