On the one occasion that I met Ken's Aunt Janice, we spoke of her writing articles for the local parish newsletter.
Shane: So what happened?
Ken: My mum and Aunt Janice were in the kitchen. I was sitting at the breakfast bar, checking emails. Janice was trying to persuade mum to go with her to buy a new carpet.
Shane: Is this one of your more dramatic stories?
Ken: It's 'particular' - just listen. Mum wanted to stay at home.
Shane: Ah - conflict, tension - very dramatic.
Ken: Stop being tedious.
Shane: Caaaaalm - deep breaths dear.
Ken: Well, far from it actually.
Ken: One of Janice's female dogs - a 'popular pedigree' - had pissed on her carpet and made the house smell... like concentrated dog piss.
Shane: Not good.
Ken: Not good. Mum wanted to look into whether further pissing might occur -
Shane: I imagine it usually would.
Ken: - or whether there might be a cheaper way of removing the smell. Apparently, when a bitch is on heat it makes for noxious piss.
Shane: This is not an appetising story.
Ken: I left them with the laptop to search for advice. A few minutes later there was a shriek. I ran down to find mum looking rattled and panic-closing lots of pop-up adverts!
Shane: (silent pause) Am I being slow?
Ken: You are. Let's put it this way - there are some search engines for which veterinary and cleaning advice are not high on the hit-list for 'bitches on heat'.
Shane: Eh?... Oh. Ohhhhhhhhh!
Ken: Mm. Janice squeaked 'Did you see what they were doing? Did you see what they were doing?' as mum muttered swear words.
Ken: And I can't be sure that my sainted aunt understood that what she'd come across was not down to the very particular orientation of my laptop. She later told me that I ought to 'get that thing fixed'.
Shane: Technology, eh?
Ken: (sigh) Mm.
I wondered whether Janice still wrote for the newsletter.