Thursday, June 28, 2007


The question is ‘Could Kenneth really be the solution to a growing international incident?’

On the phone:

Shane: It’s a bit odd, Kenneth, I was just thinking about you the other day.
Ken: ‘Just’ the other day?
Shane: Mm, in relation to the fall-out with your Belgian acquaintance to be precise.
Ken: Unhappy times.
Shane: Well, yes, but let’s not dwell. Emma and I have another friend – or sister thereof – who’s been having something of a troubling international relationship –
Ken: I don’t recommend them.
Shane: Mm?
Ken: ‘Troubling international relationships’ – I wouldn’t bother.
Shane: Er, yes, thank you for that – duly noted – ‘Kenneth does not recommend… troubling… international… relationships’.
Ken: What were you saying?
Shane: We’ve been hearing of a young woman who’s rather departed reality -
Ken: I didn't depart reality!
Shane: No, no - not that that matters now of course, but this girl - this woman - has become a little wayward vis-à-vis a holiday-romance-shaped boyfriend in Turkey and the not-so-small matter of having a being-a-mother-with-responsibilities-shaped life in England.
Ken: (pause) Tricky.
Shane: Mm.
Ken: (pause) How old is-are the kids?
Shane: There’s only one – and he’s young.
Ken: (sighs) How long’s the romance been going on?
Shane: About six months, inclusive of three briefish child-free trips to Turkey.
Ken: (pause) Is she – the English bird - serious?
Shane: Part of her wants to think she is.
Ken: Which part?
Shane: I don’t know her well enough to say.
Ken: Where does she live?
Shane: Cambridge area, I think.
Ken: Find a way of introducing us.
Shane: Quoi?
Ken: Introduce us.
Shane: Pourquoi?
Ken: I’ll be able to help her.
Shane: I’m sure she doesn’t see herself as needing help right now.
Ken: Get her email address, forward it to me, and let me talk to her – she’ll soon realise that she needs help.
Shane: (silence)
Ken: You still there?
Shane: Oh, sorry – yes. ‘She’ll soon realise that she needs help’ – quite, quite, profound Kenneth, quite profound.
Ken: Thanks.
Shane: You’re welcome.

I have raised this suggestion with Lily (the put-upon sister of the starry-eyed mother). As I await a response, I have a feeling that so long as a plausible ruse can be contrived for Kenneth getting in touch with Ellie (the Turk-lover), that his input – desperate times and all that - will be welcomed.

Let us all hold hands and gulp together.


OldHorsetailSnake said...

Never mind what you have said of Kenneth (or what he has said of himself), I'd wager that giving him a shot at rectification....

(Some words seem to seek me out.)

Zinnia Cyclamen said...

Gulping now, gulpily.

Beth said...

unleashing ken? wow, that's meddling on a grand scale. i love it.