Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Ass

Not so much a rocket from the crypt, as an echo from the everyday.

For S:

This past weekend, The Boy and his Dad had a chat about swearing.

Alex: Shane.

Shane: Mm?

Alex: Right, if I said 'I'm gonna kick your ass' -

Shane: Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Alex: - so that would be swearing?

Shane: Yes to that. Swearing not good.

Alex: Okay-. What about - if I was talking to myself - what about 'Now I'm really pissed off'?

Shane: Definitely more swearing, there. No doubt about it.

Alex: (mock contemplative, suppressing a smirk) Mm, so Daddy was right, then.

And so, there came clear and direct Cultural Learnings from The Boy's viewing of HellBoy II (one of Mummy's more curious spending decisions, of late - we'll put that down to stress).

A little later:

Alex: I got told off by Gail (aunt), this weekend.

Shane: Why?

Alex: Well, you know in grandma's garden, the wall at the bottom - before the bushes and trees and things?

Shane: Yeah.

Alex: Well I was walking along the wall, and I sort of fell backwards into one of the bushes and scratched myself - see... (shows scratches on leg and back)

Shane: Sounds a bit harsh. She would've asked if you were okay, though?

Alex: I didn't get told off for falling off the wall... I got told off cos I said shit as I fell.

Shane: Ah. Another swear word. You would have to get told off for that.

Alex: But you say it.

Shane: Er... no I don't.

Alex: Yeah y' do. I told Daddy that y' do.

Shane: Oh, f-... what did y' want to go and do that for?

Alex: So I wouldn't get told off.

Shane: That's... no. No. You have to learn to not use words... like the swear words. And learn to stop imagining that you've heard me say any of them.

Alex: (pause) Y' do, though.

Shane: Sometimes - and this may catch you by surprise, here... sometimes - rare occasions, very rare indeed - I'm not perfect.

Alex: (slowly gets the point) You are so ridiculous.

'Perhaps', I thought, relieved at his having not just replied, 'Bollocks!'.

8 comments:

Queenie said...

Thank you, that made me laugh out loud - at the 'Oh, f-...', if you're interested, but all most amusing.

Shane said...

(Glad)

Huw said...

"Shane does it."

A new catch-all statement to exonerate oneself from all manner of disapproval. I shall try it immediately.

PI said...

Sadly even Grandmas do it. And get found out:(
Shane stop it now whilst you can.

PI said...

PS: I did once manage to convince my friend's child that I had not said 'Bugger!' when my teaspoon dropped from the cup and saucer I was lifting daintily.
'No no Susanna! I said 'buck up' to the silly spoon.'

Shane said...

Huw - I approve
Patty Pi Pi - Guilt trip! You are, of course... right

Carnalis said...

As i say, not as i do.

It is a wonderful thing that your boy, and mine, still make an effort to avoid being told off. Perhaps they recognise that it matters to us.

Shane said...

C - I think in this instance it was a case of The Boy making for a clean getaway(-with). The suppressed smirk amuses me, as he fails to hide that he knows that he's testing us.