Friday, January 04, 2008


I met up with old pal Marie. She jolted me, in the way that a proper writer could and would:

Marie: You still blogging?
Shane: Yeah – not as regularly as I used to, but yeah, I am.
Marie: Funny that – cos I had a look earlier and it’s been about, what, three weeks?
Shane: Spying!
Marie: No – just keeping an eye on you.
Shane: Spying!
Marie: No, that would be what Emma is for.
Shane: Meaning?
Marie: Never mind. So, what happened to the piggery poem?
Shane: (wistfully) Do you think T.S. Eliot ever had conversations like this?
Marie: I expect so.
Shane: I’m doubting it.
Marie: I’m guessing piggery didn’t happen, then?
Shane: You are a harsh critic.
Marie: I haven’t criticised you yet.
Shane: Yet.
Marie: Let me guess –
Shane: Here we go!
Marie: Let’s see – ‘piggery’ – ‘bigamy’ – no, too much of a stretch. ‘Hickory’, ‘chicory’ – not likely, too bland, and not quite rhyming enough. Piggery... ‘Wiggery’?
Shane: No – but I like that.
Marie: A-ha... ‘jiggery’?
Shane: Very good. The stanza would have been ‘Let’s get jiggery, Down in the piggery, Said Martha to Mo’.
Marie: (laughs) Ridiculous! But very T.S. Eliot, I must say.
Shane: Thank you.
Marie: So, Martha and a Mo getting frisky in a piggery?
Shane: Almost. Mo would have said ‘No thanks’, at first –
Marie: Mo being… a man?
Shane: Yeah.
Marie: Gay?
Shane: No.
Marie: So...?
Shane: I don’t know – I hadn’t done any character development. They’d have got it on somewhere - there was something about a river, but I couldn't remember it all.
Marie: I would like to say that I’m sure that that is a loss to literature… but I can’t - probably for the best, eh.
Shane: Mm.
Marie: Was there a theme for January’s blogging, then?
Shane: I thought I’d just do a bit of dialogue.
Marie: The old familiar.
Shane: Yeah.
Marie: Which, from what I've seen, could mean that…
Shane: If that’s alright with you.
Marie: I shall look forward to it.
Shane: Ta.
Marie: And if you want my suggestion, just stick to writing what you know best.
Shane: What’s that, then?
Marie: That's for you to say.
Shane: Hmm.
Marie: Schools? Your art stuff? Favourite books or films? Music? Actually no, not music. One hundred and one ways to prevaricate? You'd be quite good at that.
Shane: You're too kind.
Marie: You could try short stories - different genres, different styles, different voices. Or maybe spend January trying to work out what it is that you know best – that would be the blogging way, wouldn’t it.
Shane: Mm?
Marie: Navel-gazing.
Shane: (amused) Sometimes.
Marie: Ninety five per cent of times. But please, anything but football.
Shane: You give me much to think about.
Marie: In that case, how about blogging about a month of snap decisions?
Shane: (pause) Sounds risky.
Marie: Not a good start. Snap decisions - yes or no?
Shane: No.
Marie: Ah.
Shane: Worked well whilst it lasted.
Marie: Mm.
Shane: I'll come up with something.
Marie: You do that.
Shane: Did I mention what I'd asked for for Christmas from my sister?
Marie: No.
Shane: I asked for a short story - limited to 1000 words, with the title 'White'.
Marie: Good idea.
Shane: Mm.
Marie: And?
Shane: She promises that it will be delivered within a fortnight.
Marie: But it's January the fourth already.
Shane: Mm, she shillies, she shallies.
Marie: Wonder where she gets that from.
Shane: Mm.

To the porcine enthusiasts, I ham-fistedly failed you and I was found out. My apologies.


OldHorsetailSnake said...

Obviously, you must do a month's worth of football. Anything else would be beneath you.

suburbanhen said...

Whenever I read or hear the term 'navel gazing' I think of the time my ex husband had a thing stuck in his belly button that required extraction by a doctor (I'd tried, with tweezers, but my ex was very difficult about anyone doing anything near, around or in his belly button, a phobia I guess. Which is how he came to have an excess build up of 'stuff' in his belly button to begin with; a plug, if you will).

PI said...

Oooooh Suburban hen - that's too much info!
Your TS Elliot doesn't sound like the one I have in the upstairs loo. That's all about rocks and water and water and rocks and completely incomprehensible but strangely fascinating.

Zinnia Cyclamen said...

hahahahaha... one hundred and one ways to prevaricate... hahahahaha...

Regardless of what Marie thinks, your dialogues are fab.